No Sex is ‘Safe’, but There Are Actions to Take to Make Sex Safer
Sex education classes are becoming more commonplace now than ever before, and that is due in part to increasing rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Teaching abstinence is clearly not working as effectively as one would hope for teens, and for adults who make the adult decision to have sexual relations, it is important to learn what’s real and what’s myth about ‘safe sex’.
My daughter is currently a college student, and she has a core group of friends whose ages range from 18 to about 25 years of age, all in various stages of their sexual lives. Some of her friends are virgins, two couples in her group are married with one of the couple having two children already, and then some are sexually active single friends.
I was fortunate enough to sit with a group of 21 high school and college students and discuss their views on sex and safe sex for a magazine article I was commissioned to write, and decided to share some of the findings. This article is about the myths and beliefs of these students, all legal adults, as they had learned them.
Sex Myth #1 – Condoms Equal Safe Sex
Truth: Condoms might make sexual activity safer, but they are not safe.
When discussing with the male college students who were sexually active, the number one problem with condoms was user error. They all blushingly admitted that while there was talk about wearing condoms, no one ever taught them how to properly use and wear a condom, and while one young man was brave enough to admit he had practiced putting one on so he would not be embarrassed in front of his girlfriend, most of the men in the group had never practiced wearing and using a condom prior to needing to use one.
User error is the number one reason a condom will fail, which could result in pregnancy or disease transmission. One of the married male college students admits that his first child was conceived while improperly using a condom with no other birth control.
Recommendation for safer sex: Learn how to properly put on and wear a condom during sexual activity. This is important for both men and women to learn. A sexually active woman should have her own condoms, in case the man she chooses to engage in sexual activity with does not have his own. She should also know how a man should properly wear a condom to ensure her safety, in case the man does not properly use the condom. An additional form of birth control (spermacide, the pill, foam, jelly, etc) increases the protection against pregnancy when wearing a condom.
Sex Myth #2 – Anal Sex Prevents Pregnancy
Truth: Any type of sexual activity where ejaculation occurs near the vaginal opening can result in pregnancy, including anal sex.
This particular myth completely shocked me to learn that several of the male and female college students erroneously believed that having anal sex would prevent pregnancy. They all knew that the risk of certain sexually transmitted diseases was higher with anal sex than vaginal sex, but not one of them knew that even anal sex could potentially result in pregnancy.
Sperm are live and mobile, and as such, any ejaculation near the vaginal opening, even mutual masturbation resulting in ejaculate on the woman’s body near the vaginal opening, can result in pregnancy. While it is rare that this would occur, it’s important to note that it can occur.
Recommendation for safer sex: Always wear or insist your partner wear a condom as well as an alternate form of birth control to prevent pregnancy, regardless of whether the sexual activity is mastubatory, anal or vaginal if ejaculate comes anywhere near the woman’s body.
Sex Myth #3 – Oral Sex is Safe Sex
Truth: While strictly engaging in oral sex will not result in pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases can still be transmitted via oral sex.
This particular sex myth was more common with the high school crowd I talked to than the college students, and was more commonly believed by those not already engaging in sexual activity than those who were. However, even the college students informed me that this is a prevalent misconception among their peers.
Oral sex still requires fluid contact between the mouth and genitals, and any sexually transmitted disease one partner might have can indeed be transmitted during oral sex, even HIV.
Recommendation for safer sex: Use the same precautions with oral sex as penetrative sex. For oral sex on females, use dental dams or cut a condom into a square and stretch it over the sex zones to form a barrier between the mouth and sex areas. For oral sex on a man, be sure he is wearing a condom and avoid any mouth to genital contact on any part that cannot be covered by a condom or dental dam.
Sex Myth #4 – It’s Easy to See if Someone has an STD
Truth: Most people who have a sexually transmitted disease do not look sick or have any visible signs of the disease. In fact, particularly true for men (but also true for women), some carriers of sexually transmitted diseases might not even know they have the disease themselves.
Every single male college student in the group I talked to agreed that you would be able to tell if a woman had a disease just by looking at her. The girls were a bit more knowledgeable, but they also erroneously believed that people with STDs had some type of visible, outward sign that they did.
While some STDs have visible symptoms, such as sores, swelling, redness, scaling, warts, etc., some of the same diseases in the early stages won’t show these symptoms and some diseases have no visible symptoms at all, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be transmitted to a partner. Most people with HIV, particularly those in the early stages or who are under treatment, will not appear sick or show any symptoms you can see just by looking at them.
Recommendation for safe sex: Always use some type of barrier method of protection during any type of sexual activity, such as condoms and dental dams. Avoid or limit contact with body fluids as much as possible. If you are sexually active, be tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases, and suggest to your partner that they do the same.
Sex Myth #5 – Pulling Out is Safe
Truth: Men secrete fluid even prior to ejaculation, and the vaginal lining excretes fluid as well, particularly during arousal. When a person comes into contact with body fluids, STDs can be transmitted, even if the man pulls out before full ejaculation. Additionally, pregnancy can still occur, since sperm is still present in pre-ejaculate.
Every single male in the group believed 100% that if they pulled out before ejaculation that the woman could not become pregnant. The ladies in the group were wiser about this point, with only two of them believing this. Of the ladies in the group who were or had been sexually active, all but one said that a boyfriend or lover in the past had told them that he didn’t need to use a condom because he had good control and could pull out in time.
First, no matter how good of control a man thinks he has over his penis, it should be known that men often can and do lose control, and ejaculation can occur rapidly, and too fast to allow a man to pull out in time. Additionally, as mentioned earlier, pre-ejaculate can transmit disease and sperm, allowing a woman to become pregnant even if the man does manage to pull out in time.
Recommendation for safer sex: Always wear a condom during penetrative and oral sex to hinder disease transmission and help prevent pregnancy. Use other forms of birth control in conjunction with condoms to provide added pregnancy prevention. Avoid any unprotected contact with body fluids for the safest sex practices.
Of course, there was discussion about marriage and committed monogamous relationships being safer than non-committed sex. While this is true if both partners are completely disease free and 100% faithful, it is impossible to be sure on both counts.
When it comes right down to it, one should not engage in any sexual activity unless they are absolutely prepared to deal with the potential consequences, including but not limited to: sexually transmitted diseases, non-sexually transmitted medical problems (urinary tract infections, yeast infections), unplanned pregnancy, emotional issues, and even death from certain diseases that can be contracted sexually.
It’s best to wait to engage in sexual activity until you are prepared to handle any and all consequences that can occur from having sex and are emotionally and physically mature enough to understand those consequences, and then when you do become sexually active, it’s important to continue to be aware of the dangers of even ‘safe sex’ and protect yourself as much as possible.