It’s really tough to admit you need help, but many come to a place in their lives where coping with the daily stresses of life is causing disruptions in work, relationships, sleep and health.

Sometimes just finding a safe outlet to relieve stress and frustration, talking to someone who listens and isn’t involved, can make all the difference. Other times, a person may need to learn new coping skills or strategies for dealing with life’s struggles.

That’s where a therapist comes into the picture.

However, not every therapist is right for every person, and a one-size-fits-all attitude about therapists won’t work.

It’s important for a person to not only feel comfortable in the therapist’s office where the therapy sessions will be held, but also for the client to feel comfortable with the therapist too.

That is why when looking for a therapist, there are a few questions that should be asked prior to scheduling an appointment.

First, you need to assess what type of therapy you need. For example, you may want a family therapist to deal with family and step family issues; or you could need a marriage counselor if you are having difficulty in your marriage or relationship. If drugs and alcohol are a problem in your family, whether for yourself or a family member, a drug and alcohol counselor with that specialty may be your best choice. If you are dealing with a situation that is likely to be resolved soon, then you only need a therapist who will provide short-term counseling. Grief counselors can also help you if you are dealing with the lose of a loved one.

Second, you need to assess whether you will feel more comfortable with a male of female counselor. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t necessarily mean you need a female counselor, and men don’t necessarily require a male therapist either. Women who have issues with men, due to abuse, rape, etc, might find that a female counselor or therapist is best in the beginning, but it’s also possible a woman with these issues might benefit from developing a healthy working and trusting relationship with a male therapist and work through possible issues with men. A man might learn a lot from a female counselor or therapist about how to interact with women other than in romantic situations.

The real issue when choosing the gender of your therapist is to decide what will make you most comfortable, so you are able to work on the issues with which you need help. It’s perfectly acceptable to say you aren’t comfortable with a man counselor or a female therapist. It’s your therapy, so you have to pick a therapist who is right for you.

Third, you will want to know what type of counseling or therapy techniques to which the therapist subscribes. Rogerian counseling is based on empathy and shared emotional support, while Jungian is a bit more matter of fact and real world “how does that affect you now” type of technique. Gestalt is likely one of the most “in your face” types of therapy, and while quite effective for some, can be very harsh or overwhelming for others.

Ask the counselor what type of therapy techniques he or she uses and then do a bit of research to understand their techniques and ask yourself if this would be right for you. If you’re confused about anything, ask the counselor to explain it to you. If the therapist is unwilling to explain their techniques, seek another therapist.

Another thing to considering when choosing a counselor or therapist is to ask whether the therapist can work with just individuals or also with groups and families. You never know when your issues might reveal a need to bring other family members or friends into the counseling sessions to help you through an issue, and you want a counselor who can work with you if that’s the case.

Some counselors will allow you to come to their office and do an intake, and speak with you for 15-20 minutes so you can get a feel for their personality and style, and many do not charge for this service. An appointment should be made though, to ensure the therapist has time for you.

To begin your search for a therapist or counselor in your area, the yellow pages may not be your best option, but it is one option. Another option is to check with your health care professional to see if he or she has someone they recommend. Friend and family referrals can also help you find a qualified professional. The local hospital social services department should have a list of qualified counselors too. The internet is often a good way to search for therapists, if they have a web presence, and you can learn more about them before you ever call their office. Lastly, you can always call a therapist referral hotline, which may be able to help find a therapist in your area who specializes in the type of therapy you need.