There aren’t many parenting topics that can start a debate that flames passionate responses as does the topic of whether spanking is acceptable in today’s society as a disciplinary tool.
In schools, spankings or corporal punishment, have been banned in every industrialized country world except for the parts of the United States and one state in Australia in public schools. At least twenty-nine U.S. states also have some type of law prohibiting corporal punishment in schools.
However, parental spanking as a form of discipline is still legal in most areas, although what constitutes appropriate spanking versus physical child abuse differs from one person’s opinion to the next.
Spanking initially causes physical pain, or at least a physical sensation that gets a child’s attention. When used to stop a child in the middle of something that might be dangerous, a spanking could surprise the child enough to immediately stop the behavior, due to the physical sensation of pain.
When used on a young child, this is likely the most common reason spanking is used by a parent. If a toddler reaches for the hot stove, a swat can associate the negative action with the negative consequence (spanking), and instill a thought process that touching the stove is bad, even without the child actually touching the stove to discover this.
This is a conditioned response and not a cognitive one. Because of this, the child never learns the stove is hot, but rather learns that reaching for the stoves causes pain, in the form of a spanking. Advocates for spanking will say that as long as the child is not burned, the spanking has served its purpose. Advocates against spanking will say the child has learned nothing, and spanking actually hinders the real lesson: the stove is hot.
Whichever side of the spanking debate a parent falls on, one thing is certain: when dealing with a child not yet school aged, a swat on the buttocks and a redirect of the current behavior can be effective. The debate isn’t about the effectiveness of spanking at this point, but rather the emotional ramifications of the spanking to the child.
Of course, many of us grew up in times when spankings were more commonplace, and it’s not unusual for a parent to say, “I was spanked as a child and I grew up just fine!” While that might be true, it does beg the question: How differently or more emotionally healthy might one have grown up without having been spanked?
Spanking can also send a mixed message to a child. If a child gets in trouble at school for hitting, if the punishment for that infraction is a spanking, which is a controlled form of hitting, then the message to the child hears spoken is that hitting is not acceptable. However, the message shown to the child is that it’s acceptable to hit, as evidenced by the spanking.
None of the experts on parenting and raising children can agree whether spanking or not spanking a child is the right way to go about doling out punishment. What most people can agree upon is that if one chooses to spank as a form of discipline, it should never be done in anger or when a parent or authority figure is out of control or reacting based on emotion.
If a child is old enough to speak and understand, communicating with the child is always the best course of action. Explaining why a behavior is dangerous or unhealthy or not wise, providing alternatives to the behavior, and then providing consequences that are natural and related to the negative behavior are all preferred methods of disciplining a child while also teaching the child to make healthy choices.
That’s not to say that after all of these things are done, and the behavior still does not change, that a spanking or the threat of corporal punishment, cannot be an effective deterrent. The question is, at what cost to the child’s emotional well-being? Only a parent can decide for their child.
No, spanking a child is not a necessary form of punishment. There are other alternatives. However, there’s no evidence that clearly indicates that non-abusive spankings done without anger have a severe emotional on the child enough that a parent can’t consider spanking as one possible form of punishment, should other options fail. The best course of action is to communicate with the child and empower them to make better choices, and spanking a child offers no real options for choice.
